Saturday, April 23, 2011

Weekend Creation Blog Hop- My Mother the Terrazzo Floor

This is a memory that may be disturbing to those who read it.  If you are a survivor of sexual abuse, you may not want to read this.

My father enters my room and he is in my bed when my mother walks in.  I can remember her dark glasses against her milky white skin-her black hair that never changed styles no matter what the weather was.  She didn't even have to say anything.  The look was all- it blamed me for everything.  Blame that was what I remember learning most from that house with its ugly green cinder block and red brick front and the white wood on the back where they made the porch into a room.  It was a roomy house with wood paneled walls and an air conditioner in the window.  I remember the terrazzo floor with its black and orange and gray specks against a cold marbled white.  My mother is that floor-cold, hard, icy, solid, unforgiving, no emotions, stony and silent.  Later, there was shag carpeting over my mother, the floor, and I tried to forget it was there-tried to make friends with my carpeted mother.  Then, I gave up-I hated her more than I hated him, but I ate my rebellion and hatred up in Thin Mints and chips and cokes.  I cost them only as much as they wanted me to.  No one ever guessed the secrets behind the green cinder blocks-no one guessed behind the smile.  My father tried to fuck me over later in other ways.  And again, I was his victim bursting into tears when his drunken arguments got the best of me-yelling at him that I hated him, my mother trying to comfort me like only a mother can, a mother that's a terrazzo floor covered by green shag carpeting.



  1. Wow - this was deeply poetic and emotionally wrenching. Kudos to you and your brave exploration into this painful memory. As always, you have my full respect and thanks for your loyal linking up at Weekend Creation Blog Hop. Shah. X

  2. Hello again Heather - I awarded BURIED IN BOOKS this award too - the Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award. To see what you need to do to collect it, stop by I expect you only need to accept it once, for both though.
    Have a fabulous day - Shah. X