Friday, August 5, 2011

Creative Blog Hop - Primeval Loss

Fear blood red, dark
Dripping in my veins,
Strangling my dreams,
Squeezing my heart into,
Tears from my eyes,
Screams from my primal being,
Prehistoric notions, now nightmares,
People stare, women with swollen bellies shrink away from my pain,
It isn't contagious but scares them just the same.
Minutes feel like hours as I sit surrounded by my sadness,
Punishment again for one small transgression,
Or some large one, doesn't matter. The sentence doesn't fit the crime.
My husband comforts despite his own pain,
The nurse gives us a pity smile,
The doctor offers her sympathy,
Within an hour, your former life is sucked from my body,
Discarded in a bag, thrown away and with you my heart.
You were my girl, my Emma Grace, my continued connection to this life,
You were my last and most longed for child.
It was for the best some say, Nature's way of taking care of things
Best for who?  Not me, my heart aches like never before.
Nature taking care of what? Again, not me, she's taken from me again.
But the blame is truly inside me. Some deep lacking within me.
Four times now I leave the hospital with empty arms, my pain runs bone deep,
As I entomb myself in shame and let my wounds scab, mend but never heal,
Never forget, I am not worthy to be your mother.