I have lived such a passive life, believing that passion was my enemy. Passion was madness. Passion was something that would lead me somewhere I couldn’t control myself. I believed my passion was dead after so long. I killed my passion. There, I am safe, my passion is dead.
Once, I lived and breathed passion. I was young, I was so in love. With a boy, with my ideas, with life. I thought I could do anything. The world was truly a great thing and I was in it passionately. I wanted to experience everything with passion because if I didn’t, it wasn’t worth experiencing at all.
But, I lost the passion. I put it on a plane with a boy and sent it away forever. I didn’t know passion could also hurt. And I didn’t know how to not drown in passion’s pain. Passionate hurt steals your soul, your beliefs, your reasoning. So I let that passion go with that boy on the plane. Because the intense feelings, the heartache, was more than one person could bear. And I felt so deeply. If I gave into the passion of my loss, if I surrendered, I might not survive.
Living without passion was easier than I thought. I chose safety. I allowed myself to be rescued. I chose security, comfort, friendship. I’ve lived almost twenty years without passion. And I didn’t realize how much I missed it. How much I have missed out on. That I can be in control of myself and still have passion.
The boy on the plane came back. And he stirred my passion awake. He reminded me of the person I used to be. How much I was in love with life. That I had purpose. He put the me now, in perspective. I have passion again. My writing has taken off. My story is finally fresh and new and feels like the one I want to write. But what’s more, I feel the need to write, passionately. I want to talk to people about books, passionately. I want to create passionately.
Because the boy on the plane came back. And reminded me, I have passion.
Thank you, passionately!
This is me being passionately silly. I tried to take a picture of myself and got so tickled I started laughing and couldn't stop. So that's me in full crack up mode, laughing at myself, with a lighter heart these days.