Friday, August 5, 2011

Creative Blog Hop - Primeval Loss

Fear blood red, dark
Dripping in my veins,
Strangling my dreams,
Squeezing my heart into,
Tears from my eyes,
Screams from my primal being,
Prehistoric notions, now nightmares,
People stare, women with swollen bellies shrink away from my pain,
It isn't contagious but scares them just the same.
Minutes feel like hours as I sit surrounded by my sadness,
Punishment again for one small transgression,
Or some large one, doesn't matter. The sentence doesn't fit the crime.
My husband comforts despite his own pain,
The nurse gives us a pity smile,
The doctor offers her sympathy,
Within an hour, your former life is sucked from my body,
Discarded in a bag, thrown away and with you my heart.
You were my girl, my Emma Grace, my continued connection to this life,
You were my last and most longed for child.
It was for the best some say, Nature's way of taking care of things
Best for who?  Not me, my heart aches like never before.
Nature taking care of what? Again, not me, she's taken from me again.
But the blame is truly inside me. Some deep lacking within me.
Four times now I leave the hospital with empty arms, my pain runs bone deep,
As I entomb myself in shame and let my wounds scab, mend but never heal,
Never forget, I am not worthy to be your mother.


  1. Gutted for your loss(es?). Your pain is tangible - I felt the lump in my own throat. I have doesn't IVF twice - failed. Third time lucky next year. Then I'm going to leave it. The abuse left me pretty scarred and the infection rendered my tubes useless. They took my childhood and my ability to have a child. I'm so sorry you have suffered so much. I can say at least I've not carried a baby only to lose them. I don't want to know how that feel, and thankfully I can't imagine. My heart goes out to you sweetie. Hugs. Another great entry to the linky. Shah. X

  2. Devastating. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe that people would say "it was for the best." The loss of a child is the loss of a child, whether the child is 35 years old or only a few weeks.

  3. Much love and healing energy coming your way ~ Very expressive poem ~ you will heal ~ will take some time ~ hugs and naamste, Carol

  4. I agree Erin. Heartbreaking.

    How are you doing today? Reading I bet ;D

    Thought you could link this up to Monday Madness today actually too - because although it fit creation weekend, it also fits M.M.

    Hope you're well, Shah. X Shah .X

  5. Oh ladies- I am healed from this. I have two boys now. This was very raw when I wrote it and tucked it away. I only found it when I moved and looked at my box of poems that I stashed away. This one was eleven weeks when I lost it. I've never carried a full term baby. Two preemies. I'm good with what the Universe gave me, but I'll never say it was for the best or Nature's Way of taking care of things. That came from an aunt who says the first thing that comes out of her mouth. And I was so hurt all I could do was agree with her. But now, five years later, I'd tell her where to shove it!
    Sorry I missed the linkup Shah!

    Thank you everyone for your very kind words. I wish I had been blogging back then.


  6. Wow.

    I don't know what to say to this.

    I'm in both awe at your writing and upset for the character. Just...heartbreaking.


  7. Hey Heather, just to check in and to say hello and tell you I have chosen you as one recipient of a blog award I received today. I'll write the acceptance post and put it up Wednesday which is when you can stop by and put it up. In the mean time you can think of five lucky recipients yourself. ;D

    Its M.M over at wordsinsync right now too if you have anything to link up? As always it'll remain up tomorrow too.

    Shah. X

  8. Hey - collect the award I gave you over at my blog today ;D X


  9. Got it Shah, but you know that! I'll try to find some people that still accept awards.

    Love your new signature!!
    Hope your vacay is fun!!