Monday, April 4, 2011

Monday Madness "C"

Shah is doing an A-Z post in April which I've already missed, but I can tell you, yes, I've tried some of the C's and am still on one of them.  First drug I was given was Celexa.  There is a reason you go to a psychiatrist for psychiatric drugs.  THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE PLAYING WITH! I went to my family doctor and after three days on Celexa I decided if this was what life was going to be like, a zombie like state of living, I would rather be dead.  Not at all good for a person edging towards mania.  I have also tried Clonazepam and am still on it in the generic form Klonipin.  I was on 4 mg for sleep and am now on 3.  I have found with the lessening of it, my dreams have returned, I don't sleep well, but I can feel a lot more.  The numbness is gone.  My son tried clondine, but whatever it was supposed to do didn't work.

I find that the trial and error of medications with this disease, oh I have Bipolar Disorder, is the most frustrating part of it all.  I don't know of any other diseases except mental illness that have such trial and error, no exact medicine that treats all people.  Heart disease, they have a couple of drugs, a cocktail to give you that helps you, doesn't cure it, but helps.  Diabetes there is insulin.  But for those of us with depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and various other mental disorders we take drugs that are off label, some with horrible side effects, usually in conjuction with several other drugs and we have to work up to a dosage called the theraputic level.  But then I'm probably preaching to the choir. 

What has really started to piss me off though is the plethora (I like that word) of books that depicts those of us with mental illnesses as burdening our children with our care because we don't take our meds and our spouses have left us because of the strain of caring for a person with a mental illness.  First off, where is the condemnation of the spouse who left behind the child to take care of the sick parent?  Or another adult who knows about the parent's condition.  It seems that only the sick person the one who can't think straight without medication is the only one condemned in these books.  Unfortunately, these books seem to keep falling into my hands and my anger is building towards the general writing community.  They say they have done their research but only site they googled the disorder they wrote about.  How is that research?  Let them feel what we feel on a daily basis, let's say, just the side effects of our meds for a week and then write a book condemning us for not wanting to take them.  I stumble, get dizzy, need naps, feel nauseous and  have trouble concentrating as well as getting out of bed.  Do they feel that every day?  And there is a fine line thinner than a hair that I walk between depression and mania, and that line is called balance.

Anyway that's my rant!


1 comment:

  1. I get this rant!! As will many I imagine. I recently heard a radio recording from a psychiatrist who's turning his back on drugs because he said all they do is give us chemical lobotomy's and can lead to parkinson-type long term symptoms, amongst other things like premature senility! Nice. I do take my pills every night. I choose my dosage now though - 200-250 of Seroqual.Wish I could stop, but I don't know another alternative which works.

    Such is our situation. Caught between life in madness or lobotomy. BUT ITS NOT OUR FAULT PEOPLE!!! Shah .X