Saturday, September 24, 2011


I'm trying to help but you rebuff me
I look inside for answers
There are none only outside
Those bottles that sit beckoning
Promising a way out from this worthless life
I live, I exist, I breathe, I am,

I plan my escape one more time.
It's always the pills, take too many
It seems such a peaceful way to go
I'm only afraid of what comes after.
Will God forgive me.  But then I'm living
in hell right now.  How much worse can it get?

I am nothing. My dreams will never come true.
I cannot help you, you turn me away.
I sit doing nothing watching you do it all
As I do not participate in life, a spectator
Life is a sport I don't get to play.  Just one
I read, and watch, and dream of.  I don't ever
expect to be picked for the game.  Not even
last.  No one sees me.  I am invisible.  My
participation is not desired.  I am tolerated in
the stands as a watcher.  It hurts.  Bone deep
I feel what your rejection means.

I was born nothing, an unwanted child
Given up by my mother to parents that
Wanted a boy.  No one understood
my emotions.  I was invisible.  I am
invisible.  I will be invisible.  Ashes to
Ashes, dust to dust, nothing to nothing.


  1. Writing about your hardest times is a very powerful and courageous step for any writer. I hope these times are behind you and things are happier for you, though. Otherwise, I'm concerned for you because this poem was very dark. The emotions spilled off the screen. You did a good job. I am sorry you had that happen to you. Parents should love their children unconditionally.

    You are not invisible. I see hear you.


    P.S. I am over from Shah's Blog Hop this weekend. I posted a special about Bonnie Parker of Bonnie and Clyde gangster fame. I live in Dallas and visited the cemetery to photograph their graves. You might like the post. :)

  2. Hey Heather. Hope this is a piece from a while ago and not now? Please talk to someone if it is now. Check in with your pdoc/nurse and check on those meds.

    This poems is heartbreaking, I hope you're okay? Shah .X